Last year a friend said that the biggest, most important thing you can do for yourself mental health-wise is to come out a la the LGBT fashion. This does beg the question for straight people, what might be an equivalent, if anything. Until January 2, 2014 I would and did concur 100% with this notion of importance. The Lord or Law of the dance as a friend put it has changed everything for me. Have been trying to think why the dancing has been such an earthquake in my soul this past month. The dawn of my sexuality would be as a teenager but when did any bi issue truly come up in my life? It is not co-terminous with my first same sex experience but years, decades later really when it became some sort of facet of me. As noted many times, I did not perceive it as a problem-issue-question for me at all for so long. However in terms of how I felt about myself in terms of appearance, looks that goes back to my childhood. To the age of 6, or 7 at the latest. Ergo, that has a far longer history than whatever bi stuff was going on. Dancing has given me this confidence, poise, grace and self confidence in that realm. Plus it is a constant thing, that is the face you present to the world whereas the bi nature is much more restrained. And if you get into the whole “passing” thing, then it is truly subsumed!
I felt a quadrillion times more oppressed in the image department which dance has helped immensely with whereas I never felt oppressed because I had same sex desires and opposite sex ones. What I am certain of is that I would never have taken up something like dance if I had not come out first because that gave me so much more confidence in myself. One has lead to the other. Of this, I know. There has been this coming out of a shell. I guess I first needed to come out to myself, then I could come out of my cocoon to the world. Recently our dance school held a party and it wanted to showcase different levels of skill, so I was chosen to demonstrate (the beginner level, given how new I am). So I did this with my teacher and we danced a foxtrot and merengue, maybe a minute each in front of say 50-60 people and I was not really nervous all that much. I was so focused on the task at hand and my teacher that I pretty much blocked out the crowd. It went well and we were pleased.
The next few days are the six month period of coming out and it lends itself to some mini checklist, report card, gauge of what has transpired, how much-little I have done. Tomorrow (Feb. 3) is exactly a month since the first dance lesson. Lenin’s quip comes to mine of how for decades nothing happens and then in weeks, decades happen. I made the blasphemous but true statement to people that January 2014 was the best month of my life since June 1981. Ridiculous right? But correct! How can that be? The multiplier effect I think. Coming out gave me a lot of strength and now I am building upon that.
Above, it is so perfectly fitting my mood lately, when I discovered it tonight I had to share it.