Malcolm X (a hero of mine) once in his stump speech would excoriate the black man who tried to “pass” (act) as white, stating that white people would still not accept them (because their skin was still dark) and many people in the black community rejected those people (for totally different reasons). He would carry on that “you can’t be white and you don’t want to be black, because you cannot accept yourself. You are not this and you are not that. You are mister in-between and ain’t nobody want mr. in-between”
Minister Malcolm speaking to the inner city negro (as they were once called in polite society) of the day in Harlem is relevant right now in the queer community because if you don’t accept yourself, good luck getting others to put out the welcome mat for you. When I came out, my levels of anger, wrath, rage immediately dropped dramatically. I may never truly figure out why, and at present I do not care, just happy it happened. When I took up dancing, two weeks ago my levels of lust went down enormously overnight. On that score, I have a better handle. There is something about engaging the whole person, “movement with and around other people” is a phrase I like. Told this to a friend and he was shocked, expecting arousal levels to skyrocket. My sense is that the eros within is being channeled and focused like never before. It is not repressed or suppressed. I still very much want to roll in the nuptial bed with both genders but that aside, I feel my sexuality being expressed in a good wholesome way.
Am much too new to dancing to be bumping, grinding it like some old pro. Remember someone whom I respected a great deal state that lust is really an immature emotion. All the seven deadly sins would fall under that rubric I suspect. Wrote about a beautiful lady, that I would rather go dancing with her than make love to her. That is a big evolution in feeling, thinking, longing shall we say. Call it the joy of the actor. In the presence of your beloved, what do you want to do? Please, this is no manifesto to become a castradii, a eunuch. There is a time for everything under the sun. I am so much into the fullness of life, the expansiveness of it. That is where I am at. Which is why I picked these images overflowing with colours of every patina, of people doing many steps, styles. It makes sense how I have taken to dancing like a fish to water. Things bubbling to the surface, now that they are allowed to. I must have kept a lid on stuff before coming out. Am not convinced “it gets better” as the slogan goes, but do feel a sense of “it is OK!” to be who-what you are. I am not a vampire wanting everything.
Tomorrow a ginormous day of dancing; salsa class, a lesson and then practice party for 3 hours.