I cannot wait for all those cool new bi coffeehouses to start sprouting up any decade now. Well, am still waiting. Oy veh!
And when they crop up, I will take a video of them with my I-phone, version 47 when I am 99 years old.
The i-phone bi colour scheme image: i love my I-phone and the colours are so precious to me. Enough said.
The caption of everyone loves a bi girl, is in homage to my favourite new phrase, “Spaghetti girl” that I learned this fall. Urban slang for a female who acts and is all straight until she is wet (as in aroused, for those who are slow on the uptake). Naturally, I had the Neil Young song (which I have always loved) ‘Cinnamon Girl” playing in my head so much after I heard that phrase. I even composed some bi verses in honour of it. Given that I am of Italian heritage and have eaten a mountain of spaghetti in my life, that would have an added meaning for me. The corollary I believe for men is the vulgar (but ring of truth to it) quip that the difference between a straight guy and a queer one is a six pack of beer. And if you are stymied decoding that one, go ask some street smart person in your circle of friends. The Down Low lives! The first time I ever heard that expression was from a friend who was at the gym being instructed on the side, on the sly by her chum. Am positive she picked it up from her jerk boyfriend who is a DJ, who no doubt got it from black culture, where the down low is way more common. This excursus only means everything is related, interconnected and interpenetrating all!
Thus far I have met many beautiful bi sisters. I would be curious as to how many have gone from gay to straight vs straight to gay. Also, for women, how many have gone from lesbian to bi compared to straight to bi.
Bisexual; It’s the new black. Is it? It may be in certain realms. Usually I think of trans people as holding down the lowest run on the LGBT totem pole. It is like the kingdom of the blind or the one-eyed. It reminds me of a cleaning woman who once upon a time commented upon where a friend was living and said “Oh yes, they live in a real run down awful area” and I thought, if you are being dissed this way, then you got socio-economic problems. Not that homo economicus is Rex by any means, and it is not in my weltanschaunng.
The keep calm insert: a wag told me when coming out, try to act as if it is not a big deal, that you are at peace with it. Act matter of fact and this will put the other person at ease and they will not try to patronize you or act in a condescending manner. The Dale Carnegie method of coming out I suppose. That you are not ashamed of this but rather are proud of who and what you are. Happy to report after coming out to 21 people since early August, this has not happened to me. At the end of 2013 I am going to make a list of how many M vs F I have come out to, how many by email, phone, in person (zero by Western Union Telegram), how many straight, gay, lesbian, how many each month. All because I love making lists. Going forward am running out of people, which is as it should be. What I am curious about, is if I will ever have to check off some box in a government form under bisexual. Part of the bi visibility issue is that since it is mostly invisible, one feels isolated, alone and then does not admit to others (or at least many people) their sexual orientation. Something of a chicken-egg situation.
The notion of self-acceptance and relationships is not specifically bi or LGBT, but rather human. Who want so date someone full of self-doubt? It is quite fine to read the soliloquies of Hamlet but I doubt I’d enjoy the post shtup pillow talk with that Danish prince. Would you? What if he is consumed with hesitation during the union of conjugal love (as the papacy used to call the reproductive act)? Would that be fun between the sheets? I doubt it. In fact, that might be a handy exercise to keep in mind vis a vis forming a relationship. Could I imagine the post screw mandatory talk with the person? That the background is all full of stars, is nebulous adds to the fascination of being human, and the entire panoply of sex-romance-love. It is a continuum, a spectrum, a bell curve. When someone quizzes me now about what do I want (in terms of sexuality) my answer is:
‘to make love all night to someone I am madly in love with”. Then after the rolling of the eyes, a harrumph, giggle, chortle, snort I dial my expectations down to terra firma.
Maybe that is an ideal, a goal, the promised land that I may or may not get to. Still what is a heaven for except to strive, for one’s reach to exceed thy grasp.
I remember hearing from G. Gordon Liddy in the mid-1990s that Hilary Clinton was a ‘lusty bisexual’. I am sure some bi people are (maybe many, who knows? probably not any more or less than the average person) but in this instance it was used as a huge put-down. Now in 2013 the meme being floated by the fascist conservative right wing in the USA is that if Hilary is elected in 2016 she will become “our first lesbian president”. Again, this is used as libel, slander, a pejorative, vile remark.
Who doesn’t love cute dolphins, ergo the image to brighten your day gentle blog reader.
Did you know that bi people in long term serious committed relationships suffer higher rates of abuse than straight people? They do. Check it out.
To end, with this beautiful riot of colours is lovely I think. It is good advice for living also. Don’t just exist but flourish. Don’t just traipse through each day unconscious but express yourself, live, love. If we can master suffering (and look how many people do that so well) why don’t we instead master joy? The person who said that, also said “If our thoughts can make us ill, might they not make us well?”