Way back when I was learning about being bi, I came across the iceberg motif, which I cottoned onto immediately about bi identity VS bi behavior. The tip that is visible and very small represents self-identified bisexuals. The vast majority of the iceberg is submerged below the waters, thus invisible to the naked eye scanning the horizon signifies bi behavior. Personally I don’t truly care what people want to identify as or their sexual behavior, my interest is in mental health for a know my own story.
And I suspect it is not unique at all. The lesson of a ship crashing into an iceberg is surely not lost on us? Even such a mighty, ‘unsinkable’ ship (supposedly) as the famous Titanic of a century ago. Forgive me dear soul for harping on the subject matter of personal integrity when it comes to sexuality, of bringing the mystery-secret out into the light. Everything that is hidden, shall one day be revealed saith the good book somewhere. Isn’t it better to have that revelation at the time, place of our choosing?
For it to come forth at our pace, speed compared to having it thrust upon us?
The swirling bi colour spinning sun or whatever it is supposed to be represents our sexual life, our journey, adventures, the fluidity which we have our 3 score and some on earth. I love how it suggests energy, movement, life, action. A dynamism at work vs the static. Remember the Bob Dylan verse,
‘That he not busy being born is busy dying”. From his 1965 song: “It’s alright, ma (I’m only bleeding) “
Reader beware, you have been warned! Why do I write these things? 50% is a reminder for myself.
Lately I am super negative on all the serial philanderers I have come across. Damn them for messing up the lives of their partners. From a bi perspective, what I am more interested in in terms of philandering, are the people who are in some kind of serious, committed, long term relationship and are out there on the down low. It’s real fraudsterism to do this to your partner back home. (Made up that word). Isn’t that more of a gangster culture, to cheat every chance you get? If you are some type of hipster, in an open relationship wherein any is allowed to screw anyone else, that is totally different. What is going on these days in the affairs of the heart? The above is my anti-dote to the cynical sham fake relationship garbage going on with some people I love very much. May have a blog post about this poem by John Keats it is so magical, mystical. Check it out! Heard it read by the great British actor Robert Donat and that was sheer beauty. You get drunk (or high), you are in the grip of lust, the opportunity presents itself or you seek it and fall on your face cheating on your lover. My bad. But to set out on a calculated long term course. That is a cancer eating away at you from the inside out. You better use your integrity muscles or they will atrophy baby. Remember the great poem about “first they came for the communists…..and then they came for the labour leaders…” You know it. It’s so famous. If you keep that up, one day you will be strip mined of all decency, goodness, principles. And then what?
Below is a symbol I have always loved. A new take on it with these colours arranged quite differently.
Omg! I had a girlfriend for six (6) weeks decades ago and that meant more to me, than the other 35 years of being an adult. Read once that Napoleon said he was only ever truly happy six (6) days, so figured I was doing much better than the little general, plus I did not need to lay waste to armies, and Europe in war to get it. Not sure what my Elba exile was or my Waterloo. Will write about “exile” some day. It so lends itself to being bi. And yes I know all about straight privilege, and “passing”. So much keeps coming back to the Bard’s words “to thine own self be true”. In LGBT land because that is Not the norm, one’s sexuality to own it, admit-acknowledge it is a big deal. You of course do not have to own up to being straight. You do not have to prove it. So your challenges are different but just as important.
This (below) was too beautiful to pass up. Enjoy! Keats died at age 25.
below, came across this wonderfully erotic, sensual, loving image. All mysterious and enchanting because you cannot quite make it out in much detail. Love the passion here.
Saw 12 years a slave last night. Theatre almost full, so good to see that. It was excellent. THE word for me to describe it would be ‘searing’. Wow. It simply imprints itself upon you, the violence, the treatment of the blacks slaves by the white overlords. Check it out. The incredible disdain that too many whites had for the slaves reminded me a great deal of the callous disregard the Nazi soldiers often had in the camps for the prisoners. That was a parallel I was able to come up with. So today, feel the strong need and desire to post something positive after being subjected to hatred and violence in the cinema yesterday evening. In fairness the violence was mainly emotional-psychological as opposed to scenes of physical maltreatment. No gratuitous violence either.
Below, really Herr Doktorvater? Hmph.
If there was some alien race or higher power observing the human condition, the species it would say something to us, along the lines of the father-son talk in the movie
“Boyz in the hood” when Laurence Fishburne sits his son Trey (Cuba Gooding Jr) down for a talk and says “I don’t know why you insist on learning things the hard way Trey, but one day you’re gonna learn them. ” Yesterday’s post was about time, psychological distance traveled but by me, my own journey, the laboratory experiment of one (1).
Today we go big, that journey writ large. How far have we gone as a species in terms of acceptance (sexual and otherwise)? This is open to debate. I guess it depends upon your point of view, what timeline you are using, what scale you feel comfortable with. Believe we are down to our final billion years on earth, as after that the sun will no longer be able to support terrestrial life. I debate, wrangle constantly with a friend over how far we have come. He is very optimistic constantly invoking the moral arc of history from Martin Luther King Jr, that it is long but bends towards justice. Since I have only one life to live and to give I am rather impatient to see things happen while I am still living, breathing, observing. A wag once said compared to other fights for “rights” (e.g. the black civil rights movement, women’s fight for equality) the LGBT struggle has been much shorter and seen a lot of advancement. Hard to disagree there.
One thing that was portrayed very well in the film 12 years was the sense of being caught up in the violence, brutality of the moment. As if the perpetrators are caught up in the ecstasy of sheer hatred for “the other”, that they are taking their frustrations out on an inanimate punching bag in a gymnasium as opposed to the real flesh and blood that bleeds. Shylock’s words come back to haunt me here, ‘if you cut us/ do we not bleed?’ A true counterpoint to being caught up in the heat of passion, lust, love.
I could write an entire post (and I will one day) about labels, naming, words and how important they are. How harmful or helpful. Early on in the film when our hero finds himself manacled, in a prison-dungeon of sorts and his captors have a kind of mock interrogation they ask him who he is. He states he’s a free man and they laugh and say “no boy you are a runaway slave from Georgia”. So being labelled, they are at peace and beat him severely.
For me, what was I from one day, week month to the next before and after coming out? So much changed. So little changed. I put it to my sister “I am the same person, only better.”
The above image is delicious in its innocence I think. A kind of playful, joie di vivre. I like the ambiguity in how the characters are drawn up. Plus, the words are so charming. War, Slavery, The Holocaust, yes it’s all catnip to me because I am a student of history, with a memory, interested in our past. When Gore Vidal rants about the United States of Amnesiacs he is onto something. Everything down the memory hole in that idiot culture. I never walk around with my head in the clouds (the way Aristophanes portrays Socrates in his play “The Clouds” just loving smash and grab capitalism, U.S. hegemonic Imperialism, wildfire consumerism, thinking this is the best of all possible worlds a la Candide by Voltaire. It is one world. A world. And we can do a lot better pal. Although once when running I was not paying sufficient attention but instead looking at a pretty girl on the other side of the street and ran smack into a stopped car about to pull out of a driveway. Somehow I was not injured, although surprised. I don’t think the girl in question noticed. It would have been an unusual way to make a first impression upon someone.
Remember reading in a theology course about the verse “God is light”. Pretty simple right? The exegesis went on about what the verse does Not say. That is, god is Not one light among many. Nor is god is THE light either. Rather how it uses the verb ‘to be’, = “is”. I don’t care if you hate God, religion, spirituality, your own personal higher power. There’s about a septillion reasons to be pretty anti-religious given how much mischief organized spirituality has made of things for several thousand years. All I want from you gentle reader is to go towards the light, love, and away from darkness, hatred. You know what is right and wrong. Do really big ginormous decisions land people in a jackpot on earth or is it the accretion over time of small little almost insignificant actions that add up? When Dante Alighieri in the Divine Comedy, in the opening canto talks about losing the true way because he was asleep, to me he so perfectly captures what happens to us so often. This imperceptible (almost) straying from what we know is right and just. We take a path of least resistance. And then eventually it is too late. This sense is wonderfully conveyed by Burt Lancaster in “Judgment at Nuremburg” when he states how the German people felt they could use-control Hitler but then one day woke up to find themselves in a much worse situation under him.
Do you know someone, whose life is a slow motion train wreck, a self destructive journey of 1,000 cuts? Isn’t that opposite of going towards life-love-the positive and it’s a virtuous upward spiral staircase you are on. A mantra I have is to “choose Life”. I could just as easily say “Choose light” The Nazis were so confident, in their policies but at the end of the day, the whole final solution was wrapped in secrecy because they knew it was evil, wrong, Consider how the zyklon-b gas chambers worked in terms of an instrument of mass death, because the shooting of people was too hard on the Nazi soldiers, indoctrinated as they were. The large scale fake “shower” gas chambers were more “clean”, could be done faster and not involve German soldiers in quite the same way. I think Camus and the existentialists would agree with me, that it is positive that as malleable and fungible as humans are in terms of morality-ethics, that they simply cannot gun down people en masse and throw them into a pit repeatedly. That they rebel. And yes I know about the Stanley Milgram Stanford experiments of decades ago.
OK enough sermonizing for one post.
I have been thinking of this lately, of all things. Am trying to come to terms, get some perspective on the distance I have traveled since I first came out to myself at the start of August until essentially the end of 2013. Usually I feel that its been a ginormous distance (have gone to many events, met many new beautiful bi sisters and brothers, come out to lots of people in many ways etc) but other times in moments of self doubt, I wonder if I have made much-any progress at all in terms of the sex-love realm. At times it feels the same as it ever was. Have I evolved, changed one iota? Have I advanced one single step towards my goal? From the summer of 1981 until this summer, I incarnated the dictum of Martin Luther; “It is not safe to move”. I was paralyzed by fear. I did not conceptualize it as such, frame it that way at all. Hell, I was not truly aware of it as such a huge factor in my life. A friend said yesterday that he thought a bigger limiting factor in life was “joy”, that people are afraid of being happy, joyful. Great. Now I have 2 things to fret about in my ruminations.
Fear and Joy. What next?
Below, this image reminds me of the “stargate” sequence in the film “2001; A space odyssey” that I love by the late, great and curmudgeonly Stanley Kubrick. When Keir Dullea/Captain David Bowman, in tiny spaceship goes through and (in the book) says “It is full of stars”.
As every school kid knows, the speed of light is approximately 186,000 miles per second, 300,000 kms per second. Fast! On earth we never use, think of speeds such as this. For the scale of the universe this is quite handy, useful. Meaning, we could travel to the moon at this speed in a little over 1 second but the nearest star is over 1 light year away. How far have I come in the last 5 months as a white, M, bi, 53 year old single mensch? Perhaps it is too soon to tell. Will not go all Mao on you though. Oh, how I hate that quote attributed to him. When quizzed about the effects of the French revolution, 150 years before, he said it was too soon to tell. What? Are we now in the Vatican with their “the church thinks in centuries” way of looking at history? The Great wall of China intersects with the Papal states. Egadth! The Holy Sea will get things right eventually, it just takes centuries. Wait around for the correction, inside the fold on page C17 ok? “Church admits it was wrong on Galileo”.
Below: I liked this because it was such an intense, shock of colours and ‘out of focus’. It is so powerful, it is hard to adjust too, take in all at once. So much energy present here.
Wish I was 23 and feeling this way. So I spent 3 decades of my life spinning my wheels in the quicksand of life. What a concept! Do feel I have “got it”, am ‘getting it’
compared to some souls which never truly progress, evolve, change for the better, go to the light. However you want to frame it. Dante Alighieri said we were not made to live as brutes but to pursue virtue and knowledge. Who am I being at this moment and every other moment? What I can tell you, is a much better, happier person than I used to be. Perhaps one could say that before I was like Plato’s fools in the cave, taking the shadows on the wall for real things, as opposed to a mirage whereas now, I have walked out from the Caves of Lascaux (as a real chro magnon man!) into the light. Maybe I cannot see very well, not used to the sunlight? In time I will adjust no?
At the one year anniversary of coming out, that will be an obvious marker to evaluate progress. For the most part, generally, the journey has been good, enjoyable, the kvetching at times notwithstanding. That itself is remarkably different. Believe me, I used to be Spencer Tracy redivivus. Remember the line from Katherine Hepburn after he died (thanks to wiki here) that she quipped, he seemed happy that he was done with the burden of living as he felt it was such a chore. Wow! One of the most famous, greatest actors ever, received huge acclaim from peers while alive and felt that way.
Below is a gorgeous image I think of light bending. Light in space is not always straight, lots of colours at work, hey, just like being bi. Not straight, no monotones for us!
Please believe me, a fluke I found an image in the universe with the bi colours in it. Could not resist it however.
The end of each calendar year seems to call upon reflection, to put down thoughts about what you have done, accomplished, etc.
It has been quite a trip. 2014 should be better and not because I am going to drink the kool aid of the “it gets better” campaign either.
Below the quote from Freud should give one pause. Everything hidden will some day be reveled and brought to the light. Read that we can change in times of sheer desperation, crisis, emergency, “full catastrophe living” or we can make the decision to change in joy. Which is it going to be?
I cannot wait for all those cool new bi coffeehouses to start sprouting up any decade now. Well, am still waiting. Oy veh!
And when they crop up, I will take a video of them with my I-phone, version 47 when I am 99 years old.
The i-phone bi colour scheme image: i love my I-phone and the colours are so precious to me. Enough said.
The caption of everyone loves a bi girl, is in homage to my favourite new phrase, “Spaghetti girl” that I learned this fall. Urban slang for a female who acts and is all straight until she is wet (as in aroused, for those who are slow on the uptake). Naturally, I had the Neil Young song (which I have always loved) ‘Cinnamon Girl” playing in my head so much after I heard that phrase. I even composed some bi verses in honour of it. Given that I am of Italian heritage and have eaten a mountain of spaghetti in my life, that would have an added meaning for me. The corollary I believe for men is the vulgar (but ring of truth to it) quip that the difference between a straight guy and a queer one is a six pack of beer. And if you are stymied decoding that one, go ask some street smart person in your circle of friends. The Down Low lives! The first time I ever heard that expression was from a friend who was at the gym being instructed on the side, on the sly by her chum. Am positive she picked it up from her jerk boyfriend who is a DJ, who no doubt got it from black culture, where the down low is way more common. This excursus only means everything is related, interconnected and interpenetrating all!
Thus far I have met many beautiful bi sisters. I would be curious as to how many have gone from gay to straight vs straight to gay. Also, for women, how many have gone from lesbian to bi compared to straight to bi.
Bisexual; It’s the new black. Is it? It may be in certain realms. Usually I think of trans people as holding down the lowest run on the LGBT totem pole. It is like the kingdom of the blind or the one-eyed. It reminds me of a cleaning woman who once upon a time commented upon where a friend was living and said “Oh yes, they live in a real run down awful area” and I thought, if you are being dissed this way, then you got socio-economic problems. Not that homo economicus is Rex by any means, and it is not in my weltanschaunng.
The keep calm insert: a wag told me when coming out, try to act as if it is not a big deal, that you are at peace with it. Act matter of fact and this will put the other person at ease and they will not try to patronize you or act in a condescending manner. The Dale Carnegie method of coming out I suppose. That you are not ashamed of this but rather are proud of who and what you are. Happy to report after coming out to 21 people since early August, this has not happened to me. At the end of 2013 I am going to make a list of how many M vs F I have come out to, how many by email, phone, in person (zero by Western Union Telegram), how many straight, gay, lesbian, how many each month. All because I love making lists. Going forward am running out of people, which is as it should be. What I am curious about, is if I will ever have to check off some box in a government form under bisexual. Part of the bi visibility issue is that since it is mostly invisible, one feels isolated, alone and then does not admit to others (or at least many people) their sexual orientation. Something of a chicken-egg situation.
The notion of self-acceptance and relationships is not specifically bi or LGBT, but rather human. Who want so date someone full of self-doubt? It is quite fine to read the soliloquies of Hamlet but I doubt I’d enjoy the post shtup pillow talk with that Danish prince. Would you? What if he is consumed with hesitation during the union of conjugal love (as the papacy used to call the reproductive act)? Would that be fun between the sheets? I doubt it. In fact, that might be a handy exercise to keep in mind vis a vis forming a relationship. Could I imagine the post screw mandatory talk with the person? That the background is all full of stars, is nebulous adds to the fascination of being human, and the entire panoply of sex-romance-love. It is a continuum, a spectrum, a bell curve. When someone quizzes me now about what do I want (in terms of sexuality) my answer is:
‘to make love all night to someone I am madly in love with”. Then after the rolling of the eyes, a harrumph, giggle, chortle, snort I dial my expectations down to terra firma.
Maybe that is an ideal, a goal, the promised land that I may or may not get to. Still what is a heaven for except to strive, for one’s reach to exceed thy grasp.
I remember hearing from G. Gordon Liddy in the mid-1990s that Hilary Clinton was a ‘lusty bisexual’. I am sure some bi people are (maybe many, who knows? probably not any more or less than the average person) but in this instance it was used as a huge put-down. Now in 2013 the meme being floated by the fascist conservative right wing in the USA is that if Hilary is elected in 2016 she will become “our first lesbian president”. Again, this is used as libel, slander, a pejorative, vile remark.
Who doesn’t love cute dolphins, ergo the image to brighten your day gentle blog reader.
Did you know that bi people in long term serious committed relationships suffer higher rates of abuse than straight people? They do. Check it out.
To end, with this beautiful riot of colours is lovely I think. It is good advice for living also. Don’t just exist but flourish. Don’t just traipse through each day unconscious but express yourself, live, love. If we can master suffering (and look how many people do that so well) why don’t we instead master joy? The person who said that, also said “If our thoughts can make us ill, might they not make us well?”
In the spring of this year when I was going through my classical myth mania period (reading Robert Graves “the Ancient Greek myths” and then Ovid’s Metamorphoses)
I came across the story of Tiresias. The blind prophet of Thebes who was changed into a woman for seven years and then back into a man. That figure could be the patron saint of the trans community. But it also speaks to the bisexual condition given his interrogation by Hera and Zeus . The story goes that Hera felt that males experience more sexual pleasure and Zeus felt that females received more and given that Tiresias lived for a time as each gender, they quizzed him. He said that females did better in bed, which displeased Hera a great deal, so he was struck blind. Aside, gentle soul reading this, make sure you never anger the gods-goddesses, they are very short tempered. To recompense (somewhat) being struck blind, he was given the gift of clairvoyance. Personally I would rather have my sight and forego being a soothsayer.
Who gives a fig which body part(s) are comingling with any others? Are they truly , intrinsically beautiful, wonderful or is it just how they are part of the person you are presumably attracted to? Always felt this total hangup about which genitalia was interacting with you was more fit for the school yard when you are young and foolish.
What should have happened was a light going on in my mind, in regards to being bi when I didn’t care any longer about what body parts were going where in between the sheet when I was with someone of either gender.
Perhaps on my deathbed I shall look back upon romping in bed with both genders and ponder which was more fun.Below, I love this image of how intertwined the lovers are. How ambiguous it is in terms of gender. It is so beautifully organic, holistic and difficult to separate the lovers from each other and from their environment.
wiki weighs in:
Tiresias is presented as a complexly liminal figure, (in ancient greek-roman culture) with a foot in each of many oppositions, mediating between the gods and mankind, male and female, blind and seeing, present and future, and this world and the Underworld.
As such, I think Tiresias is a wonderfully appropriate figure for the bi community, being so complex, fluid. We resist easy categorizing, though we are often labelled as if that matter is settled. Shall pen something next week about Janus, the roman god, who also looks in both directions, given that we take the name of January from him.
Below, love this mask. Since August I am very much into opening up, revealing who I am (OK not to everyone) but closing the gap between who I am and what face I present to the world. Ergo, a shedding and shredding of the mask, the fakery. I don’t want to be no fraudster! Consequently down (negative) on people who are unduly secretive for no good reason, Keep contemplating the thunderous line of Achilles to the delegation in the Iliad, when they try to win him over with winging words (to get off his sulking, sullen, morose ass and help out in the fighting) and he states how he hates like the gates of Hades the person who says one things and hides another in their heart. Ouch!
Wanted to write something about Tiresias but could NOT remember the name and then it was referenced when I saw the film “Blue is the warmest colour” and I recalled the story. Lucky for me! It’s not explained why Hera voted for males and Zeus for females as having more pleasure sexually and if asked myself I would not know what to say.
Love this little picture I found online related to being bi. I will not insult anyone’s intelligence, less they take offence like Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) in the Godfather and explain it. My heterosexual challenge for all the straight people out there is to come up with something as liberating as when someone in the LGBT community comes out to themself.
What is the equivalent.
Given all the homophobia still out there and yes still internalized (that is a life long struggle to exorcise, now matter how LGBT positive one is), I always felt same sex sex had an allure of forbidden fruit attached to it. Yesterday read Kinsey’s figure of 37%. That is, the % of males who have one homosexual orgasm in their life. For women, the figure was in the low teens. Would that figure be the same today? I cannot imagine it being lower today but not necessarily dramatically higher either. One fling does not prove much, so I am not veering off into that direction.
I trust the gentle perspicacious blog reader realizes I am juxtaposing pretty much the impossible, given James Dean died in 1955 when David Bowie was all of 8 years old. When I was in university I begged two good friends to teach me the guitar riff for the Bowie song “rebel rebel” and I played that over and over again. It is pretty much the only thing I ever learned how to play on the guitar. Took piano lessons growing up for a decade for what it is worth though. Anyways the other day when running I was contrasting, pondering the sexuality, sexual identity of these 2 famous men. I never understood why James Dean was considered such a tough guy because physically he was hardly imposing and in his 3 major roles he expresses a lot of vulnerability for a male, which was unusual in that day and age. To me his acting and looks presage a type of male character we did not see until decades later. That kind of androgynous, in touch with my feminine side, not really a threat to women type that is more the currency of Hollywood today in 2013 than in the early 1950s when Dean acted. He was rumoured to have had a fling with Brando. Who knows. Well, at least I do not know.
He did famously state he was Not going to go through life with one hand tied behind his back. Which as a digression, got me thinking about some fascist decades after the Vietnam war kvetched that no longer in the future would America fight wars with “one hand tied behind their back.” Well, that is sure good to know. Am certain the millions of dead Vietnamese civilians killed from the carpet bombing under Tricky Dick Nixon appreciate that new and improved war fighting spirit! I’ll refrain from going into a rant about Shock and Awe, war as a video game.
Wiki on Dean:
Today, Dean is often considered an icon because of his “experimental” take on life, which included his ambivalent sexuality.
There have been several claims and assertions that Dean has had sexual relationships with both men and women.
When questioned about his orientation, he is reported to have said,
“No, I am not a homosexual.
But, I’m also not going to go through life with one hand tied behind my back. “
With James Dean, there’s a feeling of the Montgomery Clift effect going on all over again. The average bear out there thinks “died young, women crazy about him, end of story”. Some are quick to seize on his same sex activity and have their Archimedes in the ancient bath tub moment and exclaim “Aha! he is a homosexual” and just about nobody bothers to connect the dots and say “perhaps he was bi?” There is something about being bi, that is almost like the philosophical construct of ‘proving a negative’. Help!
And you do not have to take a course in logic, to know how hard that is. (Actually I did take a course in logic in Belgium and it was hard!)
Back to Bowie. He was decades ahead of his time in terms of sexual identity. He almost admits that it was all a big con job, his gay-bi attitude, a case of “trickeration” as boxing promoter Don King would say. Bowie = Great musician but you felt the sexual labels were being sold like some consumer product.
below is a boring corporate hetero looking Bowie with his wife Iman (married 1992)
He was a contrarian coming out as gay-bi then renouncing it as a ploy. O Lord spare us! Maybe I should sacrifice a chicken to Aphrodite, the goddess of Love to help us here! As the Great Alfred Kinsey taught us (but we resist that lesson for the most part) our human sexuality is fluid over a lifetime. Perhaps that was the case with Bowie and I should cut him some slack but I won’t. Too late. However I am more apt to put it down to living in a wild era, tons of sex fueled by drugs-alcohol and his stone cold sober assessment of how to generate buzz, hype, pub. It just feels like a big sham. But this was one of the few prominent, mainstream people when I was growing up, anyone could point to in the public eye as being bisexual. Is it any wonder I told myself, “well I am not that”. Normally I would insert a photo to illustrate the point, but why shorten my lifespan and yours? I have no desire to revisit the excesses of the 1970s glam rock period.
below: came across this and like colours. The “eat me” jar is so wonderfully rich in similes, metaphors. Their was an essay accompanying the image on bi visibility, the monosexual problem, etc. which was good.
I as a teen growing up had the opportunity for sexual play, experimentation, fooling around, with both sexes and I liked it. It was consensual, fun, enjoyable and did not seem like a big deal. However once an adult I did not know what to do with that knowledge about myself. There was no way to channel it in a productive, approved way. I never felt, thought I was gay because I was so attracted to women. Actually upon coming out, that was a tricky issue for a couple of people because I used to carry on ad infinitum it seemed about the latest woman I was in love with (or at least lusted after).
Guess I am fired up on the bi visibility, bi erasure, role model issue because I can see so clearly now (in 2013 at age 53) how dramatically helpful it would have been say in 1983 to come out as bi. I was back then, only I did not know it.
It is so ironic that the one and almost only Bi figure of my youth (Bowie) is not actually bi. and was presented as a freak.
James Dean, legend and iconic figure is bi and nobody knows it. That aspect is rubbed out of history.
2 potential snippets: f
“I’m bi, just like James Dean” or
” Your bisexual just like that weirdo David Bowie?”
Saw “Blue is the warmest colour” tonight. Not an obvious thing to do on Christmas eve, except maybe if the notions of Love and Christmas can go together (imagine such a crazy idea instead of the more approved capitalistic ideas of “Consumerism and Xmas”) . Loved it. It needed a good editor to trim some scenes that lingered too long (e.g. in the classroom, although my companion who works in education, loved those extended scenes of pedagogy of French high school in Lille, so go figure). My other complaint would be the use of close-ups. Too many and too close! The closeup of a woman’s body might be quite pleasing, sensual, erotic but the closeup of someone eating spaghetti Bolognese (and I am Italian background) was gratuitous. The long sex scenes of the two women felt self-indulgent on the part of the director. And I love seeing fantastically beautiful women making love, expressing what they felt for each other. They were erotic but not over the top so. It did not add that much to the quality of the movie. Maybe the marketing department suggested it as a way to generate hype, publicity, buzz.
The good news is that the main character (Adele) was a positive bi female character-role model. A far cry from the “Basic Instinct” Sharon Stone character a couple of decades ago. So that is progress and something the bi community can cheer and get behind fully. It clearly showed her having sexual relationships with both genders, even if the word bisexual was not mentioned once I think in the film. While the theme of the movie might have ostensibly been within the LGBT framework, I thought the issues involved were far more universal than simply queer sexuality at work. It was a long tragic love story at heart. Literally! In that way, I thought of “Brokeback Mountain” at times, especially the scenes of tenderness, love, longing. Lots of heartache and love’s labours lost and gone for good. Almost a one handkerchief weepie at times. Let’s face it, how many mainstream films have a same sex angle to them? Not many!
One aspect or way in which the movie was bi, that I truly cherished was to make it more matter of fact, natural, not a big deal in general. There was a sense to me of ‘blending in’ , in a good way. Not stealth, not shame, embarrassment, though there was the extended schoolyard scene of bullying. The way in a sporting contest if the referee on the field is not noticed, then you know they are doing their job excellently. I would definitely recommend this to all my beautiful bi sisters and brothers.
The one caveat for straight people seeing it is this;
No matter your gender, you would immediately want to make love to a woman.
In this sense, parts of it in terms of eros, it made me think of the hugely popular gay art house-porn film “Boys in the Sand” that I saw once. Could never decide which genre it belonged to. That was much less of a mainstream film in every sense, though it was very influential in the early 1970s, spreading from NYC throughout the country. There were ginormous lineups in NYC to see the movie. Anyways, that movie celebrated the male form, just as ‘Blue” celebrated the female form.
The scene (image above) in which the older woman Emma, throws out Adele for cheating on her was full of sound and fury. It made me think of Niccolo Machiavelli and “The Prince” of all things. Emma tosses the lying-unfaithful ass of Adele out of her place immediately. NO bargaining, negotiations, second chances. A complete line is drawn in the sand and she acts. As an aside, I once heard of a story from someone I knew that acted so swiftly. The aggrieved woman in question, discovered salacious (and how raunchy can only be imagined given her reaction!) emails-texts to/from her husband to another woman. When he arrived home from work that day, she threw his philandering arse out on the spot. It was swift, final, brutal It was an extremely powerful scene in the movie. It had a twist in that Adele who is so innocent, a waif, naive by comparison to the older more experienced Emma, is the one getting kicked out for screwing a guy a few times. Am not sure if I want to read into it the “lesbian having sex with a male = traitor” angle to it or not. I shall leave it to other viewers to make their own judgment on that.